A true story

"But why?" I asked. My boss, Mr. Mathers had just told me that I could not wear a spacesuit to work.

"Because it doesn't match the decor of our office." He replied, and sat back down to finish whipping the mail boy. I removed my helmet, and climbed down the ladder to the hallway and mounted my steed. I galluped back to my cubicle and complained loudly to my coworker Fred.

"Stupid jerk thinks he owns the place!" I hollered. Fred paused the game he was playing, and glanced my way.

"What was that?" he asked.

"I said, our boss is a jerk."

"Oh, that." Fred said, and resumed his game. I went back to work, seething with rage.

Later, I poured my coffee into a shoe, and when I went to go get a 'free' refill from the coffee river that flows through the campus, I hid inside of a large cabinet. When everyone else left, I sneaked out of my cabinet, and began to wire explosives to my cubicle. When I was nearly done, I was approached by a janitor. There was much fighting.

I woke up in the hospital, and seeing that I was two arms richer, I panicked. I leapt out of bed, and ran outside, where I was hit by a car. I crawled away using my new arms as legs, and took a nap inside of a cave down by the beach. I managed to get my extra arms chewed off by a shark, and returned to work the next day. I still have the scars from where my extra arms used to be.

I got a huge promotion at work, and became Head Hotdog Vendor in the phone bank.