Thursdays are no picnic for me, what with all of the sentient Cheetos I accidentally purchased at a flea market. They come alive on Thursdays and steal my sunglasses.
I have no idea how many pairs of sunglasses I've gone through these last few months. I've tried my best to kill the Cheetos, but the guy at the bus station said that the only way to kill them is to eat them, and I'm too scared to do that.
I've stepped on them, drowned them, and microwaved them, but they just get stronger in a bizzare "what does not kill you will only make you stronger" type event like in Conan the Barbarian.
They seem to hybernate during the week, and only become active on Thursdays. I'm not sure why, perhaps it has something to do with the phases of the moon, since the moon is made of cheese.
I called Frito-Lay and asked them what to do with a sentient Cheeto, but had a really hard time understanding the Indian accent at their call center. They connected me with the research department, where I spoke with a Ranji Hankibubu, and he denied the possiblity of a Cheeto becoming sentient. I don't trust Frito-Lay much now.
If you find a sentient Cheeto, please let me know, and tell me how you killed it. Please hurry, because I can't afford to lose anymore sunglasses.
