The new Star Trek trailer has been out for a while, and I thought some opinions from a bona fide nerd would be in order.  I compiled my thoughts thusly:

Corvettes are cool.  There was a brief period during which they were hideous, but at that time, everything was.   Mechanically, older cars are more beautiful than the Enterprise, which is full of wingdings, widgets, and magics.  Nobody uses that crap anymore.  Magic went out with the wizards years ago, and while widgets are fine for things like books and blogs, it would be silly to run a spaceship with them.    

Why does everyone get so emotional and dramatic in Star Trek?  Real spaceships are filled with alcohol and boredom, puctuated with card games and depressing introspection.  The results are a lot of forced jokes, drunken stupors, fist fights, and lazy doodling.  (In that order.)  I usually spend the time reading or playing video games, not having heated discussions with the crew as to whether our course is right or our crystal magic is running dry.  That's what computers and other people are for.  

Now, for my money, the sexiest new tech in spaceships is Improbability.  It's often unstable, but boy howdy, is it fast.  

In all honesty, yes, I am the masked vigilante gluing your jenga blocks together

I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight concerning a few popular misconceptions running around and nipping the ankles of good sensible citizens of our Sub etha net.

First: yes, several advertising planets have exploded without warning into vast galactic confetti drifting aimlessly into space, and it was one of the greatest adverts a soft drink corporation could have asked for.

Second: no, I didn't post naked pictures of the star of the hit POI network dramedy "Zeali, the Vegelian Sea Creature Who is also a Police Detective!" packaged with a credit card stealing computer virus.  All of the naked pictures of Vegelian Sea Creatures posted here are virus free, completely unlike the actual star of the hit dramedy "Zeali, the Vegelian Sea Creature Who is also a Police Detective!" who has a great number of sea viruses living in a puddle of sea water pooled up in its ear scale.

Third: I have no idea who took a Flightbeam Instant Aero Transporter on a joy ride on Monday.  Whoever did was a fantastic pilot though, and should get a lucrative advertising deal with a soft drink corporation where he pilots one through several loop the loops and into space holding a bottle of soft drink in his hand.

Fifth:  For tax purposes, the fourth point is donated to charity.

Sixth: A gang of super hackers are actually running around the Sub etha net starting silly rumors about obscure mathematical functions and congressmen best ignored.  These rumors serve no purpose other than to rile up politicians, and--who are we kidding?  Fire away hackers!

Seventh: This is the actual end of this post, don't be fooled by the following advertisements.

"Please, please, please, purchase copious amounts of JaqueSuet Soda before we destroy more planets you ungrateful buggers!"

"Lonely? Looking for love? Try Sub Etha Net Harmony.Commercialsite.sub.lotsamoolah for carbon based lifeforms that are not likely to attempt to gnaw your arms off.  I did, and now I have a symbiotic parastite living in my skull!"

"Parajoy soda is planet destroyingly good!"

One dark day in the middle of a sentence,

two bad adverbs to fight got up,

back to back, each other they faced,

their swords they drew, and each other they modified.

Large & Small.

While the world is cold and the north wind blows,

I've lost my train of thought.

I looked everywhere, in the station and the depot,

It's not where I thought.

Cats perhaps, or leaves maybe rode there upon,

That's not what I thought.

It was fascinating, perplexing, and whatnot,

That's what I thought.

But I've misplaced it, it's gone and that's that.

So now I've got a new thought.

Or have I?