I've decided to shoehorn another post into this annual journey around the sun we've titled a 'year'.

This post won't be as morbidly introspective and incoherent as those previous, but hopefully, it will be slightly more pointless and wandering than usual.  Assembled at my fingertips before me are the keys to the universe, lit up with a soothing blue glow from the LEDs in my logitech G15 keyboard.  What a nice looking five!  

Gotta assemble some magic for a party later.  I'm a nervous wreck when asked to perform magic.  The problem, is that I always know how the magic works, and am not impressed at all, why should anyone else?

"Awwwwww" hollered whatshisface, referring to something that had previously occurred, and of which you were not yet cognizant.  However, you soon discovered the reason for this outburst.

"I was used as a springboard into another one of these silly stories!"  He muttered, and wandered away into the distance, disappearing over the horizon, the curvature of the earth swallowing him up and erasing him from your view.  You then sat down, and began typing on your IBM electric typewriter:

"Awwwwww" hollered whatshisface...

This time paradox feels familiar, you think, but your paper flutters to the floor on top of the pile of crumbs that had slowly built up over the hours you spend consuming mass quantities of corn chips and Chip's Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies.  Bending down to pick up the sheet of paper, you find a window into the unending depths of the universe on the floor, the entire cosmos spinning away obliviously into eternity to the strains of Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue.  

Mesmerized by the sight, you sit in your chair, lost in your thoughts, unable to remember the ones before, never knowing what the next may be, completely fascinated by the intricate ballet beneath your feet, until your sheet of unreadable text slips into the void, and sails away into the distance.  

Without hesitation, without a care, you follow it.

Completely motionless, the universe falls around you, all reason is lost behind, you are a mere spectator as the play unfolds, the ballet continues around you and you are numb to all but sight.

This is the place.  All things can now be easily understood, but nothing needs to be.  Nothing is important, you need not do anthing, and you are now capable of accomplishing any feat; but something needs you, something is calling desperately for you, but you aren't yet aware of it.

A passing planetary orb is torn asunder. Its flaming guts spill into the inky blackness and its several majestic moons wander off to find another home.  The planet rotates slowly, first nearly blinding you with the heat at its core, its flaming heart beating away under a cloud of magma, then rotating away, metamorphing into the face of a clock, ticking away the minutes.

"Time moves slowly like a hunter stalking its prey, but as soon as it realizes it has drawn attention to itself, sprints madly away at a pace unmatched."  

The clacking of typewriter keys snaps you out of your reverie, and you begin typing anew.

"Awwwwww" 

Aha!  Caught you on your way to forward chain emails again?  Stop. Please stop, it's pure torture.  I don't even read them, I just abandon the email accound and create another one that I wont share with you, until a moment of weakness down the road ruins everything and I have to create another one.

As usual, I refuse to stoop to conventional humor tactics and use dirty words or fart jokes to produce a nervous laugh or embarrassed chuckle.  Instead, damn butt boobies heiny poopoop fart.

Haha.  Slightly more creative maneuver there, with a setup and a punchline and all.  Fart.

That bit was the kicker.