Because you are bored?

Thanks to all you crazy mumzies out there who screamed in deafening tones inaudible to human ears, but really quite piercing and annoying to both muskrats and centipedes—several of which subsequently contacted one of our many famously drunken field agents—I will now regale my personal slice of internet void with another Totally True Tale, stolen once more from other, more qualified and experienced plumbers, each with an English Major.

~~

Yesterday, several events transpired which were barely notable, but which, at this point, serve to do little more than act as a setup to a stupid joke, which I will bury here for you to find.*(Hint: It's in pretty much every single thing I ever wrote.)

~~

So, last time Dan Harbaugh ate a tea cup, it was on account of the fascinating crunch the porcelain made as it shattered with every bite. Little pieces crumbled and flaked to the floor. It wasn't easy to chew, so he tried to make every bite small enough to swallow with as little chewing as possible.

This time, the tea cup was made of an edible sugar-based enamel, and not only tasted better, but lacked the satisfying crunch he found so fascinating. Also, it melted pretty fast, resulting in the handle breaking off and dumping the steaming hot tea all over both Dan and the floor.

The linoleum floor was scarred with age, and curled up in reaction to the hot tea. It was now sticky and stained, which was just about normal for linoleum.

At this point, Dan realized his dream of marketing edible tea cups crumbled with his prototype.

Speaking of dreams, some random girl across the galaxy was recounting one which she had dreamt the previous evening, and the poor sap whose ear she had assaulted with her monotonous droning for the better part of an hour was lulled off into one of his own.

In this dream the girl was recounting, she had met Dan Harbough, tea cup eating genius, and his giant collection of little robots he had purchased with the proceeds of his hugely successful edible tea cup fortune.

His robots were brilliantly coloured and clicked around merrily, and were completely oblivious to the fact that they each had an exactly opposite evil cousin somewhere. They went about their silly little tasks: stacking blocks, posting on internet forums, and an spreading cheese on crackers while Dan watched football and consumed tea cups filled with beer.

Meanwhile, their evil brothers, not quite as brilliant, and not quite as silly, constructed dreams in a giant dirty factory, with smoke billowing from the tops of twisted little smoke stacks.

These dreams were packaged up neatly, and then shot out of a huge cannon in a pretty parabolic arc into the heads of little children while they slept. This, not surprisingly, was designed to make them want to purchase sub-par toys constructed by the world's worst toy company, the Kakos Corporation. All the toys made by this toy company were not only incredibly cheap, but were mostly broken before they even left the factory.

The aforementioned girl, heretofore and thusly etc. shall henceforth be known as "Lottie", after much deliberation, contacted Dan, and discovered that he did not yet have a successful business constructing and selling edible tea cups, and his robot collection was minuscule. Her dream did not reflect reality as it was currently known.

Excepting that those evil robots were actually really busy at work constructing dreams, but that's another story.

~~

* You won't find it down here.